Author: Francis Fay

Good Grief by Flatbush Zombies featuring Diamante

I was introduced to “God Winks” back in my junior year of high school. They’re exactly as they sound – subtly moments where God reminds you he’s still there. He’s watching over you.

I was on my way to church today and this song came on. It reminded me of my best friend.

Mind you, I’ve mentioned many best friends before in this blog. This one’s a little different. Not only my best friend, but my four year roommate in college.

His nickname was “turtle” back in grade school. He actually hit me up on my recruiting trip while I was on campus. He said he was thinking of going to the same school I was and brought the idea of being roommates to life. I said yes without any hesitation as I used a fake ID to get into the bar and sing karaoke on my visit.

Upon our move in day, little did I know a dude named Turtle would end up being this German God who towered over me in every way possible. So much for the nickname. It was only icing on the cake that his dad had this thick German accent that you just knew meant business. He turned out to be a great guy, but man I just knew I didn’t want to be on his bad side after hearing that voice.

But little did I know this dude would end up being my best friend.

This song serves as sort of the ripple effect of many many many memories we began to embark on and share together. I’d like to share a few.

A few of our core freshman friends would head up to the upper classmen’s dorms after practice. It was named “the castle”. (I can’t actually say the real name, I think my parents read this). We would all head up there together, grab some food at Slater, then head back for Game of Thrones and Rick and Morty.

This song was played at the castle one night. My roommate had a JBL we would blast songs on (I actually think he still has it which is fucking crazy to think). This song became the go to song on the shuffle for showers right before we would go out. To me, it signifies the start of a beautiful friendship.

His mom would bring boxes and boxes of just unbelievable homemade cookies before every semester. I mentioned God earlier – I seriously think God was in each cookie.

I would take a handful of them, put them in the microwave, grab whatever milk I could find, and make what is now coined “cookie soup”. We still laugh about it to this day. It’s a miracle I’m not above 170 pounds.

He brought his xbox one, I still had a 360. There was a weekend where we were planning on visiting a few buddies over at another school. One of our buddies wanted to take our cars to visit us later on. We had an NHL 14 tournament best of 7 series to decide which one of us would let him use our car that weekend. This song was played before we turned on Game of Thrones deep cuts to match the intensity.

I won 4-3. I still have the shitty loose leaf paper of the tallies and series I left on our freshman dorm.

Flash forward a few years, we traveled across the pond together with a few other core friends. We all hopped over to Barcelona together to visit everyone alongside friends from home. After a night out, a few of us headed over to the cafe the next morning. One group went earlier than the other. I happened to stumble across just a disgusting looking fedora hat. It matched the Europe vibe though so I decided to put it on.

Little did I know he’d be rocking the same hat at the cafe and found an extra laying around in the AirBnB. We would roam the Barcelona streets that day with some steez. Let it be known that this is the last person you would expect do something silly, or creative for that matter.

On the surface it comes off as a coincidence. Looking back, I like to think it’s the years of him putting up with my quirkiness and impulsive decision making rubbed off on him that lead him to put on that hat that day.

With that moment in mind, there’s something to be said about your roommate in college. We were great friends from the start, of course, but looking back you start to build a special bond. Especially after 4 years.

You see their way of life almost every day. He’s a straight arrow, whereas I don’t even know what I’m going to have for dinner tonight. I’m sure he realized that when I’d take his towels and flip flops on a regular basis. Type A and Type B coming together to form a unique and special bond that I’ll cherish forever.

I’ve lived with brothers my whole life. When you’re 1 of 5 you get used to it. I’m glad I got to live with my additional brother for those four years and do life together with him back here in Chicago.

I’ve said best friend here a lot. I’m unbelievably blessed to have so many incredible people in my life. To me, a best friend was described beautifully in a Family Guy episode I watched the other day.

Stewie and Brian are talking about the difficulties of life followed by an argument between the two. Later on in the scene, the dialogue follows:

Stewie: What would i do if you weren’t here? Hmm? You’re the only one that makes my life bearable!

Brian: I thought you said i was the best of a bad situation.

Stewie: I was just trying to hurt you because you hurt me. But the truth is… You’re my only friend Brian. If i didn’t have you i would be lost!

Brian: Ah, you would be okay. [Says numb]

Stewie: No, i wouldn’t. I don’t really care about anybody else, just you. You’re the only one i like.

Brian: Well… Thanks.

Stewie: I like you lot. I guess you could say I… really like you. I would… even dare to go a little further, perhaps. I… care a great deal about you. Very great deal. Maybe even… deeper than that. I… I… I love you. I mean, you know, not in like a, “Hey, let’s, you know, let’s have an underpants party,” or whatever grownups do when they’re in love, but I mean, I mean, I love you as one loves another person whom one simply cannot do without.

Brian: Well I… I love you, too, Stewie.

Stewie: You give my life purpose, and maybe, maybe that’s enough. Because that’s just about the greatest gift one friend can give another.

My four year roommate/best friend was the first person that came to mind after this scene.

Who’s cutting unions?

Put Me Thru by Anderson Paak | Instant Crush by Daft Punk

Considering that lent is very very soon…I gotta wrap this up.

That said, I still have a lot to say. Especially about these songs. Especially about this person.

Our abroad session had gotten cut short. We were all sent home early with about 6 weeks left. Trump was closing the borders. My roommate had a flight home that night. I was gone the next morning. Just like that.

I remember my brother’s picked me up from O’Hare. We went straight to our local pub, Stormies, for a beer.

In hindsight, Stormies was a perfect name for what was in store for the next chapter of our lockdown lives. Kind of like a calm before the storm.

That next morning I watched Baby Driver at around 7am unprovoked (great movie btw). Not really sure why I was up at that point especially in my college days, but everything felt uneasy. Life after that was uneasy. I didn’t really know what “lockdown” meant. I don’t think any of us did, but one thing was for sure was there was dread attached to it.

Every day felt like an apocalypse. You’d go outside and see people, not really sure if you could say hi. Stores and restaurants shut down. It became apparent to me that once the “happy hour” zooms with friends and video games faded, it was sink or swim time. I could use this time to better or worse myself.

I mentioned this earlier in my blog, but one of my favorite authors describes a blessing as a brief moment of air from what holds you under. At this time in my life, I was extremely blessed with a few things.

1. football

2. car rides with my best friend

These car rides date way back to high school with me and him. We would go on a drive, pack a lip, and talk about everything life had to offer. We both agreed around the same time in our lockdown era we that it was time to pick up right where we had left off.

We started making our afternoon drives a routine during COVID. We would talk about anything from girl problems to the consulting profession. Mind you, this dude is way, way smarter than I am, but managed to explain to me the corporate world in a nutshell before I even knew how to spell Deloitte.

Our drives was something I looked forward to every evening. A rock for my sanity. Another layer and core memory in our friendship.

These drives developed into a greater life for me and gave me purpose. He got me hooked on David Goggins, a former NAVY SEAL badass who runs ultramarathons and triathalons. We both entered our “Goggins” phase. We would head over to the public gyms and do Murphs which consisted of 100 pull ups, 200 push ups, and 300 body squats. We would run the stairs of the Wilmette beach shedding off any extra pounds that were left overseas.

We stopped drinking. Really not a need since no one was going out.

That routine, that lifestyle, that friendship made my life better. It made me better at a time where our world was not.

In the midst of our grind, the north star at the time was my trip to Maine with my best friends from college. This trip was extremely important for many reasons which will be left in the midst of the GWP and RAV4.

The day before my trip, we did one last drive. He played “put me thru” as we pulled up to Glencoe beach. This song, to me, signifies a deep exhale. We had gone through months of drives, with tears and laughs and everything in between. Broke ourselves down just to build it back up and got through it all. Just in time to embark on a new journey.

It was a blessing – A brief moment that holds you up from what pulls you under.

A sort of song that put a cap on such a special time in my life. This song reminds me of a time and friend that I will always cherish.

Fast track a few years later, I had just gotten let go from my first job out of grad. What else is there to do except call my friend, hit the spits, and get back on the road.

We just wrapped up dinner at athenian room. The scenes were a little different being in the city, but the vibes were all the same. He was dying to play Instant Crush by Daft Punk. I had never heard it so I thought why the hell not.

This song and that drive reminded me that despite my hardships, something was telling me everything was going to be okay. It was okay to close this chapter and enter a new one. Sort of a main character moment, I guess.

There aren’t many drives nowadays between him and I, but he knows just as well as I that all you have to do is say the word and hit the road with some GWP in hand. During such a dark/grey time, I’m forever grateful I was able to share some light with my best friend.

Man of the Year by ScHoolboy Q

Snow brings simplicity, or at least it should. Chicago has not seen a day above 10 degrees in two weeks. These days bring me back to simpler times, freshman year of high school to be exact. You’d wait for the text in the group chat or the name of your school on the bottom row of the local news like the last ball in the lottery. Whether it was the first or last one called, the feeling was still the same – a weight off your shoulders followed by a deep exhale, all while the twinkle in a particular snowflake mimics the one in your eye with a smile fully cracked. The possibility becomes a reality – a snow day.

Might be a more personal anecdote, and I’ll never understand why, but the idea of borrowed time is always way more exciting than the borrowed time in itself. The night before a snow day is way better than the actual day. Anticipation soon turns into sort of this melancholic dread, at least for me, when I would try to find side quests to fill the day we all looked forward to.

On this particular snow day in 2014, my best friend’s babysitter picked us up and we went to Sarkis (if you know you know). Trying to mimic the older high schoolers who were old enough to drive and live a life that wasn’t quite yet ours but could test the waters in the meantime. He’s deep into music – he played me a version of “Man of the Year” mixed with another song about halfway through. This song always reminds me of that melancholy feeling you get on a Sunday afternoon or a snow day dread.

On a lighter note, if you were in high school in 2014, ScHoolboy Q, you KNEW the weight of this song. I’d argue this album was just as important as Travis’s Birds in the Trap Sing McKnight. They both hold the same nostalgic weight.

Oxymoron dropped in February, right near our first big high school dance, turnabout. The girl would ask the guy to the dance, not the other traditional way around, hence the name.

I had a girlfriend at the time – she wrapped crime scene tape around my front porch with a sign that said “it’d be a crime not to go to TB with me”. I remember my dad calling me out to go to the front door. We took our picture, then she went back in her car, I went back in my house, both our parents watching from afar.

Anyways, I had this song playing right before pictures, I had this song blasting on the JBL while I’d play NHL 14. ScHoolboy will forever be a high school memory.

RUNITUP by Tyler the Creator ft. Teezo Touchdown

I’ve reduced my twitter time this week significantly. For me that’s a huge achievement.

I decided to put Instagram on the backburner back in 2020. I’ll go on it every once in a while for Sunday reels to keep up, but it isn’t my go to anymore.

I replaced with twitter cause it wasn’t people I was keeping up with, it was more so just news. (that and just stupid shit that makes my brain turn into scrambled eggs. Not even the good runny scrambled eggs, like scrambled eggs that have no butter and stick to the non-stick pan).

I’ve known this for a while, but it turns out twitter is also a horrible place, but it has a few tweets that keep me coming back for more.

For example, Tyler’s “Call Me If You Get Lost” came out 4 years ago today.

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Tyler’s made his way into this blog, but this album in particular brings back such great memories. I actually hated it at first – on first listen it sounded like DJ Drama just yelling at you about the exotic places they were traveling to. Tyler mentioned it has always been a dream of his make a Gangster Grillz tape, something that was extremely popular back when he was growing up. It’s a cool sort of student becomes the teacher moment where he can tap back into his childhood and create something and pay homage to something that was once so valuable to him.

I was getting ready to go into my last semester of college. I was back in my hometown on one of my last walks with my dog before I headed off to football camp when it started just absolutely pouring rain when this song came on.

I started doing something I absolutely hate doing – running.

It was a happy sort of run, like this was sort of the last time I’d do this, so I might as well enjoy it. On the last track of the album, Tyler tells his audience to leap and go for it, with no anxiety or fear. It’s a track I find myself going back to time after time, as it quite literally is something I can dance to in the middle of a thunderstorm.

It was also one of the last times I’d run with Brad, who just passed away a few weeks back.

Better Not by Louis the Child

There are a few daily non-negotiables I have during the week. Actually I really only have two.

1. Make my bed
2. Listen to Jay Shetty on the daily calm during a walk

All hell could break loose, but as long as I have those two, I’m in good shape.

Today’s daily Jay talked about stumbling vs. falling. He goes on to tell a story of a guy who’s on his way to work. He spills coffee on his shirt, so then he says to himself “oh well – might as well keep it going” and proceeds to spill the whole coffee cup over him. He sees a crack in his window, says “oh well – might as well keep it going” and takes a baseball bat to his windshield.

Crazy right?

Not totally out of reach, though, at least for me. There are so many times where one slip up leads to a prolonged stumble, even a fall. This blog has been a big one for me, no doubt.

So, in the spirits of redemption, the stumble stops here, and by God I’m going to get to 40 days one way or another.

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Being 26 comes some tough questions: Am I in the right career? What do I want my life to look like in 5 years? Am I maxing out my 401k?

And then of course – the biggest of them all: When is the right age to delete snapchat?

Honestly, the biggest thing holding me back is the memories. It occurred to me that I went on one of my most favorite trips I’ve been on to date.

I was in West Bath, Maine, 5 years ago today.

I hold this trip near and dear to my heart. It was during COVID at a time where there wasn’t a ton to look forward to. Cabin fever was at an all time high being back home. I needed a north star to look forward to.

That north star came when one of my friends proposed a friend group trip to her house out in Maine. The guys would all drive up from Michigan, make a pit stop out in Vermont, then spend a week out in Maine.

20 hour drive. 2 days in Vermont, 5 in Maine, one back in Michigan. It ended up being the most transformative trip I’ve taken, and some of the best memories I’ve had to date. We spent countless nights yapping around fires, waiving down lobster boats, giving our little guys their best moments before we ate them, (RIPIP), taking in everything east coast hospitality had to offer.

The trip was extremely important to me for many reasons. I was seeing old friends for the first time in a long time. It more so brought me peace for a lot of questions I had at a time of so much uncertainty in my life. I think there’s something to be said for moments you reflect on where there wasn’t anything to be said. Sometimes, the moment in itself gives you all that you need. It might not be the answer you want, but you felt it, and if anything, you have that feeling for the rest of your days. That, in itself, is special.

Anyways, I took the last leg of the drive heading from Vermont to Maine. It was almost like driving down rainbow road in Mario Kart out there; every twist & turn got more narrow, the music got louder and faster as we raced for the finish line. This was the last song that was played before we were greeted on the other side. It will always remind me of a summer and trip I’ll never forget.

With Them by Young Thug

This song is so inspirational that one of my friends literally wrote a his senior paper about it in high school.

Speaking of which, it was his birthday the other day, so shouts goes out to him on this one.

Remember that space cadet I was telling you about? I’ve got another one that lives on the moon, but he’s without a doubt one of my best friends.

He’s a thug disciple. Like I had mentioned earlier, I didn’t quite get the hype until recently. His glow up was peak 2015-2016, arguably 2019 when So Much Fun came out, but I swear people would talk about YSL (specifically Thug & Gunna) like they were the chosen ones. I had friends knowing every word from every song, leak, you name it.

One of the coolest parts, I think, of music is the fan base. There will always be a crew that follows an artist to the ends of the earth. I’d argue it says way more about them than it does the artist. It’s a perfect way to describe my boy.

A very loyal and true friend. Whether you need a ride or help moving (who tf willingly helps people move nowadays) he’s always down to lend a hand and I appreciate that most about him. Not to mention one of the easiest going dudes you’ll meet. Just an all around great guy to be around.

Last summer, there was a particular day where I was just in a mood. I had been goin through it and didn’t really want to be in the crowd, meanwhile all my friends had gone golfing and were out and about clowning around. There were some UFC fights that night. They were all causing a ruckus outside my room while I was trying to get some sleep.

About midway through the night, my friend comes in my room and goes “dude, can you just vibe with us” and after some thought I muscled my way out of bed to be with the lads. My boy put this song on and we danced like absolute idiots the rest of the night.

There were two things I was reminded of that night. One – you get way more out of the act of doing rather than just moping around waiting for things to change. Two, I’m thankful I have someone like my guy around who can change up a mood in a matter of seconds. Preech.

Big Green Tractor (Live) by Jason Aldean

Hand up – I’ve been slacking. I have a ways to go and haven’t kept up with these.

Also, low key, if my math is correct, 40 days and 40 nights, but there’s 47 this year? Jesus, what’s good my guy?

Either way, goal here is to finish out to 40 with one a day starting tonight. I got you guys.

Apart of why I had taken a leave of absence from writing these blogs was because of one of my absolute BOYS weddings this weekend. Yes I’m getting old.

One of the best parts about being 26 is one of your best friends could be getting married, your other friend could be finding himself in the Himalayas, and you don’t even know what you’re having for dinner tonight. Gotta love your mid 20’s.

Anyways, this is a tribute to one of my oldest friends and newly wedded. Cheers bruv.

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Junior year high school summer. Another summer filled with too many sports but just enough weekends to decompress. It’s that pivotal summer where you start becoming teammates with the seniors in sports if you’re on varsity. Each hangout session felt like a job interview. Constantly under the radar of the higher ups trying to slam as many busch lights or gwp’s as you can to make it to the next round. We all passed with flying colors.

However, there was a week where it was solely dedicated to the bronski boys that sticks out.

My dad travelled a lot for work, sometimes weeks at a time. My step mom worked as a nurse, meaning she was gone majority of nights.

A high schoolers dream.

I had the guys over and we spent all day and night playing beer pong in my back yard. We’d often end it with a nightcap having a bonfire then going our separate ways. I was going through a weird transition at the time being newly single. I think at that time I wanted the party to go on as long as possible so the night silence didn’t get too sharp.

As the night crowd started to dwindle, my guy was the last one standing. We headed down the street to our local 7/11 to get some taquitos and slurpees. It quickly turned into one of the weirdest altercations I’ve had with a cashier in my life.

We got some taquitos and rotisserie dogs then started some back and fourth with the cashier.

“oooo you guys like those taquitos huh.”

“ya”

“you know what I can do for you guys is pop those bad boys in the microwave for ya. get those real nice.”

“ya that sounds good dude”

“yeah all they usually take is about 30 seconds. I’ll get those nice and warm for you guys.”

“…”

put the fries in the bag, dude.

It’s a story we still joke about to this day.

Anyways, we got back to my place and watched the fire burn out with our dogs and beers in hand. I had this song playing in the background.

This dude is just so special, man. Anyone who meets him would tell you the same. One of the just best glue guys you’ll ever meet with a humor unmatched. I doubt I will meet few people in this life that are funnier.

More importantly, I think this dude is just the epitome of resilience. Time after time this guys been dealt a bad hand (whether it was him dealing or not), and time after time he’s come out on top. He’s a true inspiration, an even better friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Cheers, brother. Love always.

Put On by Young Jeezy ft. Kanye West

What’s the disease called where you have to do certain things a certain way and in your head if you don’t your whole family dies? I think it’s OCD.

Anyways.

Back in high school, I started this pregame routine before every game. I had to listen to the same four songs all at certain times during my warmup.

One was Country Shit by Big Crit ft. Ludacris. I’d play it as soon as the car parked and I was on the way to the stadium. Right after was this banger up above. I’d play it right as I walked in the tunnel.

I could listen to whatever for a while, but as soon as I started to head to the locker room I’d play Kush Coma by Danny Brown ft. A$AP Rocky. Lastly I’d play Attak by Rustie ft. Danny Brown as I was putting on my pads.

I had to pause the last song at 3 seconds. If all of this didn’t happen, I’d spiral.

Same routine for 8 years straight.

It’s hard to mimic that routine in my current life. I don’t hype myself up for a call, but I have enough intermural sports in my life nowadays that let me relive some of my athletic days. It wasn’t so much the game. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being in the moment, but there was so much more that went into it. The pregame routines, the locker room banter, everything.

Those little things add up enough to where you can reminisce on all of it when it’s all said and done.

My boy and I had a HUGE game against another undefeated team tonight in pickleball. I had to dial it back and go back to my roots.

I had this song playing as if I was getting ready for Game 7 of the world series, slapping the whiffle ball against the wall like my life depended on it. It was fun to get back in that zone. I don’t get to do it often anymore.

We swept, 3-0.

Drip or Drown by Gunna

I’ve been sitting on this one for a while. One of my best friends texted me this morning and said it was a young gunna wunna type of day. I think it’s only right I pull this one off the shelf.

Sophomore year of college I lived with 6 dudes in an apartment. One bathroom.

One of my best friends was a Gunna fan. I hadn’t really gotten the hype but I knew it was around. I had a handful of friends that were stuck in slime szn but I had managed to refrain, although I didn’t know why.

My best friend got me on the wave when we found out Drip or Drown 2 came out. I saw he had a song named Derek Fisher and I was sold.

Some of my best friends and I took a class in college that was a breeze. There were a few hunnies in there too that made it all that much worthwhile. I ended up having a huge crush on one of them by the end of the semester.

Something I’ve always admired about one of my boys is he has always gone to the beat of his own drum. He knows his limits and boundaries but is a blast to be around. I can go him about anything – he always has that calm demeanor like a James Bond character. Just all around a cool dude. That said, sometimes he’s just in his own world, almost like a space cadet.

Literally. He said he saw aliens once.

Class had started and my guy was nowhere to be found. About five minutes in, he strolled in with the corded Iphone headphones. One in, one out. You could hear Young Gunna Wunna slipping through the speakers.

The whole class stopped, but he was vibin’. He comes up to me and goes “what you know about that young gunna wunna?!” and dapped me up. A slight hiccup in the class but a day I’ll never forget with one of my absolute best friends in the world.

We’ve been gunna fans/best friends ever since. During COVID we actually got so bored we wrote lyrics to this song and sent them to each other. I really wish I still had that video.

Blessed by ScHoolboy Q

I still can’t believe this song got taken off of streaming.

Monday was filled with a bunch of doomscrolling. Yucky Monday.

During my brain rot, I stumbled on a Tweet from Jon Rothstein. I’ve deleted twitter since for the week, but it was something along the lines of “be grateful for what you have NOW.”

Something I lose sight of often.

This song, man…it’s just so important to me. It’s filled with stories and personal anecdotes Q raps about that I personally cannot relate to, but the overall message is one that resonates with me deeply. I often find myself listening to this on the way home from work. I listened to this after my sister’s tribute. It rocked me.

Kendrick has a verse that gives me chills every time I hear. I’ll edit some of the words for the sake of keeping this clean:

“Yes, my person, you’re blessed
Take advantage, do your best, my person
Don’t stress, you was granted everything inside this planet
Anything you imagine, you possess, my person
You reject these people, that neglect, your respect
For the progress of a baby step, my person
Step, step my person
One, two, skip, skip
Back, back, look both ways
Pull it off the hip”

First, we are absolutely blessed that we have Q and Kendrick on a track together. Second, I’ve felt that my life has been, at times, in a constant state of stopping and stuttering. Kendricks reminder of a baby step is sometimes all you need to get through the day. Storms eventually pass. Sometimes you just need to move where the clouds don’t hover over if/when you can.

It all starts with a baby step and a reminder that the world is at your fingertips if you want it.